Back in the day when I was a lonely, clueless loser who’d spend his weeknights sitting hunched over the computer viewing internet porn instead of interacting with society, I used to wonder: “How do people meet each other?”
To me, this question was on the same level as “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” and “If a tree falls in the forest with no one around, does it make a sound?” It was basically a question one could never truly know the answer to. Though, every time I would go out in public and see guy after guy with their girlfriends and wives, I would be reminded of this question.
How do people meet each other?
Or more specifically, how do guys meet women? What does everyone else know that I don’t? Why am I alone and they are with somebody? What is the secret?
Once I decided to take control of my life and make a concerted effort to meet women, I discovered the secret. And it’s a secret that’s so simple, so obvious, that I wonder why I didn’t know it before. Some of you out there reading this probably already know the secret, some might be like I was and not be aware of it. But when you hear it, this secret will make perfect sense. So are you ready to hear it? The secret to meeting other people is…
You talk to them.
Was I right? Is it obvious? I know it may seem rather simplistic, but this is probably the single most important notion there is when it comes to getting a girlfriend/wife/booty call, or what have you. If you do not talk to someone, you will never MEET them.
And you can’t have a relationship with someone you never meet.
The simple act of talking to a woman can lead to so many different things:
- You get a glimpse into her personality
- You find out what you two have in common
- You get to see if there’s any chemistry between the two of you
- You give yourself an opening to get her contact information
- You establish a level of trust and comfort that will allow you to ask her out later on
All this from the simple act of moving your mouth and having words come out!
It is because of this concept that I wrote my book, The Art Of Approaching, because there is so much to know about meeting women. You can talk to them, but what if they don’t respond favorably? What if you run out of stuff to talk about? What if you can’t even think of something to talk about at all?
This is where the concept of the “opener” comes in.
I’ve talk about openers in other newsletters before, and I go into extreme detail about them in my book. But having a good opener is too important a concept just to let it go mentioned once or twice.
Without a good opener to use when meeting a woman, you’re really rolling the dice and taking a chance that what you say to her initially will:
1. Get her to talk to you
2. Engage her in conversation
Maybe what you say will get her to respond with a “Yes or no” answer. If that’s the case, where do you go from there?
Maybe what you have to say will get her to explain something to you, but will it really engage her in conversation? Will she continue to talk to you so you can establish that “trust and comfort” foundation you’ll need to get her information?
These are the factors you have to take into account when you go about meeting a woman. Here are some examples of openers you want to avoid:
“Do you know where X is?”
“Do I know you from somewhere?”
“That’s a nice X you’re wearing.”
“Do you come here often?”
The list goes on. But if you look at all those statements above, they don’t really lead anywhere. They’re not engaging, they’re not interesting, and they will not help you get to know the woman you’re talking to any better.
Here’s a good opener for you to “test out” this weekend or whenever you’re going out next. When you see a girl you like and want to meet, walk up to her and ask:
“Hey, I got a quick question. Do you read your horoscope?”
See how this opener differs from the ones above? You’re not asking her an ordinary question she hears a million times a day, and there’s an intriguing element to it. Most women are interested in horoscopes and other new-agey stuff, so even if they DON’T read their horoscope, they may be interested in why you’re asking the question.
If she says YES, it is easy to ask her what her sign is and what her horoscope is telling her. This is great because she will be giving you information about herself that you can use to your advantage in the conversation.
If she says NO, ask her if she’s ever checked her horoscope before and then ask her what her sign is.
No matter what she says, always follow up with “Hmmm. That’s interesting…”
When she asks “Why?” say “Well, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you know what they say about Pisces (or Aries, or Scorpio, or whatever her sign is)?”
By now she’ll be really interested. Follow up by saying “Pisces (Aries, etc.) women are the most sexual women out there.”
Watch her reaction, and then follow up with a story to get the conversation flowing. Here’s one I use:
“I know this because my ex girlfriend was a Pisces (Aries, whatever), and she was the most sexual woman you’ll ever meet. We used to have so much fun together, doing all sorts of wild things, she was totally open to doing anything. I used to think it was just her, but every Pisces woman I’ve dated has always been really fun and sexual. What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?”
See how that works? You set it up so that you present her with a role you want her to adopt (being sexual and fun and open to anything), and show it in a positive light. And even if she doesn’t agree with your assessment of her sign, you’re getting her to share with you what wild stuff she HAS done.
Before you know it, you’re in a conversation!
Typically, you’ll want to have three good openers to use one after another, all with follow-up stories to get the conversation flowing.
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